25 Things That Hinder Respect and Love

Recently, a friend of mine spoke for a marriage retreat on a cruise. [I know what you are thinking, “Where can we sign up for that assignment?!” I’m wondering the same thing. :) ] Since she taught a couple of the Secrets sessions, she added the following list to Session Four. When she e-mailed it to me, I thought it was worth posting.

As you read through this list, take a few minutes to give yourself a quick review. Make sure you are not doing anything to make your spouse feel disrespected or unloved. Remember, this is a self-test—not a spouse review! We are only responsible for our own behavior. As we sow respect and love, we can expect to reap respect and love.

A Person Feels Disrespected and Unloved When Their Spouse…

1. belittles them in private or public
2. manipulates with the silent treatment
3. prioritizes other relationships, work, or hobbies over their marriage
4. fails to take their opinions and feelings seriously
5. neglects their own responsibilities
6. hides things or fails to communicate about major decisions
7. is selfish
8. neglects personal spiritual health
9. won’t leave the past alone
10. doesn’t provide verbal affirmation
11. simply accommodates them sexually
12. fails to respect their role as parent or undermines their authority
13. lacks appreciation for their contribution to the family
14. talks negatively about them to parents or children or friends
15. nags them, especially if they are aware of the problem
16. has lost the ability to have fun
17. lacks interest in their career or activities
18. is rude and careless with their words
19. is careless of their appearance
20. consistently assumes their motives are wrong
21. negatively compares them to others (“Why can’t you be more like Bob?”)
22. is unwilling to change
23. lacks self-control
24. breaks promises
25. compliments others, but not them