Maintaining a Balanced Life

“The man who fears God will avoid all extremes” (Ecclesiastes 7:18, NIV).

It is quite interesting that the book of Ecclesiastes follows the book of Proverbs. Both are written by the wisest person who has ever lived—Solomon. Yet at a first reading, these books may seem like a contradiction. In Proverbs 4:7, Solomon says, “Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” The entire book is teaching us how to attain wisdom and live a disciplined life.

Yet in the first verse of Ecclesiastes, Solomon says, “Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless!” He goes on to say, “Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”

Ecclesiastes was written at the end of Solomon’s life. He had lived a life of great extremes—if one wife is good, then hundreds are even better; if one palace is nice, then many are better; if knowledge of plant life is helpful, then knowledge of everything is best. Yet as Solomon aged, he saw the futility of the extremes and realized that life is meaningless apart from God (12:13).

Solomon tells us that there is a season for everything (3:1-8), and he encourages us with these words: “[God] has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is a gift of God.”

In chapter four, Solomon says, “The fool folds his hands and ruins himself. Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.” I believe he is describing the extremes of one who is lazy and one who is a workaholic. The lazy person may see the futility of grasping for wealth, yet he accomplishes little and disappoints those who depend on him. While the workaholic is driven by greed, he lives a life with full hands and an empty heart.

I believe Solomon would want us to understand that we should live disciplined lives that are balanced—working and resting, weeping and laughing, mourning and dancing, embracing and refraining. Some women may tend to work, weep, mourn, and embrace projects, and truly neglect opportunities to be refreshed. And at the other extreme, there are women who neglect work in order to only rest, laugh, dance, and refrain.

Here are some practical ways to make sure we are living a balanced life:

· Work when it is time to work.
· Sleep when it is time to sleep—try to get at least seven hours of sleep each night.
· Play more games—especially with those you love.
· Pray every day—and make sure there is a time of silence for listening to God.
· Take time to express thanksgiving and praise.
· Take time to celebrate the good things—every good thing is from God.
· Read more books—watch less TV.
· Call your family often.
· Eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water, and take a walk every day.
· Don’t waste time on complaining; smile more.
· Don’t over commit; know your limits.

So how about you? Are there extremes in your life? How can you grow more balanced? Consider reading Ecclesiastes and writing down the ways you can avoid extremes.

Challenged and Encouraged

As we prepare to celebrate Jesus’ birth, I am reminded of a woman who, through challenging circumstances, became part of our Savior’s family tree.

Ruth’s story is a beautiful example of many truths regarding our responses to life and God’s provision and sovereignty. As I read the book of Ruth this morning, I felt challenged to take a close look at myself.

Self-Sacrificing Love
RUTH—In spite of very difficult circumstances, Ruth chose to love the way Christ described love—in a self-sacrificing way. After the deaths of her father-in-law and husband, Ruth loved Naomi in spite of her own pain. Her love is seen in the words to her desolate mother-in-law, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me” (1:16-18). Ruth was willing to give up her home and future to care for Naomi.

ME—I have to ask myself, am I willing to love those God has placed in my life with the measure of self-sacrifice Ruth demonstrated? My husband? Children? Parents? In-laws? Aunts, uncles, cousins? Close friends? Do I daily lay aside my desires to demonstrate genuine love and care for them?

Diligent Service
RUTH—In Ruth’s time, two widows living alone were at the mercy of the kindness of others. In that time of great need, she chose to serve diligently. She said to Naomi, “Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain” (2:2). Ruth was willing to follow the servant girls and pick up what the harvesters left behind. This may have been a menial, even degrading task. But prompted by love, Ruth was faithful and hardworking. Her character was noticed by all who knew her. Boaz said to her, “All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character” (3:11).

ME—What is my attitude when I’m faced with menial tasks? Do I grumble, thinking they are below my potential? Or do I serve willingly, realizing it is a test of my true character, as it was for Ruth?

Unquestioning Trust
RUTH—She knew that her mother-in-law and the God she served could be trusted. Naomi asked Ruth to go lay at the feet of Boaz. Ruth was not an Israelite, and this custom may have seemed quite strange to her, but she trusted that Naomi was looking out for her best interest. Ruth simply responded, “I will do whatever you say” (3:5).

ME—Do I willing take the advice of those who are wiser and more experienced than me? Do I take God at His Word—trusting that He will always lead me to what is best?

Discovering God’s Plan
As Ruth loved, served, and trusted, God was divinely orchestrating her steps! Verse 2:3 tells us, “As it turned out, she found herself working in a field belonging to Boaz.” Boaz was a generous, kind, worshipper of God who cared for all who worked for him. He married Ruth and together they became the great-grandparents of King David. When we see Ruth’s name mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus in first chapter of Matthew, we clearly see that God works His divine plan beautifully through those who love, serve, and trust.

Today I’m challenged by this woman who lived so many years ago! I want to love sacrificially, serve diligently, and trust unquestioningly. As in the life of Ruth, I believe God is ordering my steps and working His plan in and through my life—what an encouraging thought!

Not a Picnic on the Beach

Many days, life feels more like a storm on a sea than a picnic on a beach. This morning I read Matthew 14—it is the story of when Jesus’ disciples found themselves out on the Sea of Galilee in a great storm. (Even if you know the story, indulge me and read it again.)

During the fourth watch of the night, Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:25-31, NIV)

When we are in the midst of any storm, the most important thing we can do is look for Jesus and walk toward Him. He is there in every situation, just waiting for us to turn to Him. And He wants us to trust His instruction. In the midst of that storm, Peter had enough faith to get out of the boat and walk toward Jesus. But when he took his eyes off of Him, Peter immediately began to sink.

Think about some of the storms we face, what Jesus says to us in the midst of them, and then what happens when we take our eyes off of Him:

The storm: Someone offends us.
Jesus says: Forgive as I have forgiven you. Turn the other cheek. Trust My love for you. Your security is in Me.
If we take our eyes off of Him: Waves of hurt overwhelm us.

The storm: Finances are really tight.
Jesus says: Seek first the Kingdom of God and I will take care of you. You matter so much to Me. I will meet all of your needs.
If we take our eyes off of Him: Waves of fear and discouragement overwhelm us.

The storm: Circumstances seem out of control.
Jesus says: Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. And My peace will surround you.
If we take our eyes off of Him: Waves of anxiety overwhelm us.

The storm: We are sick.
Jesus says: I am Your Healer. I will never leave you or forsake you. Trust Me. Even when you walk through the shadow of death, I am with you.
If we take our eyes off of Him: Waves of dread and concern overwhelm us.

The storm: Our responsibilities feel bigger than our human capacity.
Jesus says: Come to me. Keep company with me. Learn from me. With me you will find rest for your souls and the productivity your life is demanding.
If we take our eyes off of Him: We don’t even want to get back in the boat, we just want to swim for the shore.

So maybe you can identify with these “waves that overwhelm.” You are like Peter: you are walking in faith, but you’ve taken your eyes off of Jesus for a moment and you feel yourself sinking. Be like Peter and cry out, “Lord, save me!” And then trust that Jesus is reaching out His mighty hand and holding you. Take some time for your soul to rest in His arms. You can trust those arms that hold you!

So Thankful!

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we celebrated my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

It was an extra special celebration because my dad suffered a cardiac arrest on August 28th this year. He was without a heartbeat for more than 20 minutes. Once they shocked his heart and got a regular heartbeat, he was life-flighted to a hospital in Kansas City.

The three-hour drive from Wichita to Kansas City was the longest drive of my life. We all felt we were going to a death watch. My dad was in a coma for several days and in intensive care for nine days—around 225 hours. His condition changed almost hourly, creating quite a roller coaster ride for our emotions. I remember sitting in the quiet, dark waiting room that first night when the thought hit me, “Awwww, it doesn’t look like Daddy is going to make it to their 50th anniversary.” It was heart rendering.

Well, here we are... three months later, and dad is growing stronger every day. We have truly witnessed a miracle! We were able to have a wonderful celebration. Our son Tyler wrote a song for his grandpa while he was in the hospital and sang it for him at the celebration—there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

I have lost all of my grandparents and several uncles and aunts. But this is the first time for me to walk through a near-death experience with someone in my immediate family. My dad is more precious to me today than I ever thought possible. Actually, every moment I spend with those I love feels more valuable.


Don’t take anyone in your life for granted! Soak up every moment with them and don’t waste even the smallest opportunity to show your love.

Real, Not Ideal

A couple of weeks ago, I was reviewing the possible outcomes of a current situation in my life. I could only think of three options. And to be completely honest, none of them seemed appealing. As I thought through each possibility, I had the exact same thought, “Well, that option is definitely not ideal.” My thoughts were quite discouraging. I have to admit, I went to bed that night grumbling at the Lord.

The next morning I was reading The Relationship Principles of Jesus by Tom Holladay, a devotional book divided into 40 readings. That day’s section was entitled “Get Rid of the Ideal, Go for the Real.” Holladay said we can make an idol out of the ideal. What a sobering truth! Immediately I realized that was exactly what I was doing—longing for the “ideal” and thinking it would bring contentment and fulfillment.

Holladay challenged his readers, “The circumstances of your life are not perfect. You are not perfect. The people you love are not perfect. But God is perfect. So instead of trying to perfect the imperfectable, choose to focus on praising the one who is perfect. And then, bolstered by that praise, choose real love.”

Needless to say, I had to repent for the grumblings of my heart. I have spent way too much time trying to perfect the imperfectable. When my thoughts simply focus on the ideal, I fail to enjoy the good in the real circumstances of my life. It was such a good reminder that our circumstances and relationships on earth will never be perfectly ideal! So with gratitude in my heart, I am challenged to embrace the real instead of demanding the ideal.

Surrendering All Expectations to God

I recently read a thought-provoking article* in Gary Smalley's e-newsletter. I thought--I've gotta share this with my friends! It fits perfectly with the principles in the Secrets book!

So here it is...

"A few years ago, God broke through my hardened heart and began to transform my attitudes. The first thing I realized that had to change were my expectations. I had to face up to the fact that my own sense of how things ought to be had come to rule my life and my emotions. It wasn’t that the expectations themselves were wrong—we all have expectations; they’re a natural part of life—but my expectations were all Gary-centered rather than God-centered.
I believe that God had me start by surrendering all my expectations to Him because my unfulfilled expectations were the cause of much of the stress in my life, and they were distracting me from my relationship with God. God called me to let go of all my aspirations so that I could focus on Him.

"God promises that He will meet all of our needs 'according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.' It doesn’t say He’ll meet some of our needs; it says He’ll meet all our needs. I had read this verse countless times over the years, but I wasn’t living according to what it promises. I was driven by my own agenda, my own goals, and my own good ideas. When I started to trust God fully, and really believed He was faithful, I began to experience true peace. This, I believe, is what caused my stress levels to drop so dramatically. --Gary Smalley"

So what about you? Where are your expectations centered today? Maybe now is the perfect time for a moment of surrender . . .

*"Surrendering All Expectations to God," an e-newsletter by Gary Smalley (October 22, 2009). http://www.garysmalley.com.

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness—it is something we all know we need. When God forgives us, He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west—never to be remembered against us again (Psalm 102:12). Jesus helps us understand that if we really grasped the depth of God’s forgiveness, we would forgive others (Matthew 18:21-35). He even tells us that if we don’t forgive those who have offended us, our Father in Heaven won’t forgive us (Matthew 6:14,15).

But what does it look like for you and me to forgive those who have hurt us?

Many wrong ideas influence our thoughts about forgiveness, ideas like:
1—I don’t have to forgive if the person who has hurt me doesn’t ask for forgiveness.
2—If I forgive them, it will condone their sinful behavior.
3—Forgiveness means that the relationship is restored and trust is rebuilt.
4—Forgiveness means that I don’t remember the pain or have any negative feelings about the person who has hurt me.

Have you ever been confused by these ideas, or by your feelings? I know I have. Several years ago, someone hurt our family. I knew I needed to forgive them and I prayed fervently for the Lord to help me. But I wasn’t sure how to know if I had really forgiven them. When I saw them, I would get an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. Those feelings would cause me to question if I had actually forgiven them.

Rick Warren describes forgiveness in a very tangible way, in the 40 Days of Love videos. He says forgiveness is three things:
1—relinquishing my rights to get even,
2—responding to evil with good, and
3—repeating those two things as many times as necessary.

Warren also helps us to understand that forgiveness happens in a moment, but trust must be rebuilt over time. And in order for there to be a healthy relationship, the offender must also make some changes.

I have come to understand that the choice to forgive says a great deal about the spiritual condition of the person. George Wood in his newest book, Living in the Spirit, says it this way: “When you ‘bump’ a genuinely Spirit-filled person, you will get love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, and self-control. But when you ‘bump’ a person who professes to be Spirit-filled but doesn’t have the evidence, out will come meanness, nastiness, bitterness, and hostility.”

It is so helpful to understand these truths about forgiveness. These choices have nothing to do with our feelings. Of course we will remember the pain of hurtful situations. And human relationships change when a person intentionally hurts us. But we can be obedient to the command to forgive. Remember, when you choose to give up your rights to get even, you are forgiving. When you are depending upon the Holy Spirit to respond to evil with His goodness, you are obeying Jesus’ command to forgive.

Be encouraged—when you choose to obey, your feelings will eventually come around. Someone recently said to me, “You can never feel your way into right behavior, but you can behave your way into right feelings.”